21 September 2004

Time to reload

This post has nothing to do with the recent expiration of the assault weapons ban; but those deer don’t stand a chance, now that I have my Tec-9 back.

Rather, I’m temporarily signing off from the blog. A few projects on my plate are looming near or are already past due, and I’d like to rectify that situation. I have prophecy, vision, dreams, and Oswald of Northumbria on the brain, and I need to clean up those cluttered spaces before it’s too late.

More personally, I also need to figure out what exacly is driving me at this point. Why do I study literature? Why medieval literature? What in my life is causing a disjunction between careful reading and thoughtful scholarship? The answer to some of these questions seems easy—I know I love this stuff, and that should be enough. But I’m training not just to read for pleasure (though that is part of it); I’m training to read and write professionally and to teach others to read and write better. So I need to get my head around at least part of the why. The gap in my work is more intimidating; often I feel like the dreamer in Pearl, who sees the gap between himself and the vision of his deceased daughter as insurmountable (it’s more complicated than that, but let me simplify):

The More I frayste hyr fayre face,
Her fygure fyn quen I had fonte,
Suche gladande glory con to me glace
As lyttel byfore þerto watz wonte.
To calle hyr lyste con me enchace,
Bot baysment gef myn hert a brunt.
I se3 hyr in so strange a place—
Such a burre my3t make myn herte blunt. (169-76)
 
The more I sought her fair face, when I had perceived her fine form, such rejoicing glory began to glide to me as little before then was accustomed. Desire to call her began to provoke me, but confusion gave my heart a shock. I saw her in so strange a place—such a shock could stop my heart.

I also want to figure out the purpose of this blog. Is it just a place for me to ramble? I don’t know. I also need to figure out for whom I want to vote on November 2. (Obama’s a given—but Cobb or Kerry for president?) You can expect to hear why I’m still “undecided” before then, unless I make up my mind before I post again. Look for my return around mid-October, after SEMA 2004. Maybe I’ll have a few answers by then.

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